Apr 3, 2013
Apr 1, 2013
Monday
Hi Mom,
Today is Easter Monday. The kids are home, Blaine is back to work and it should be a "normal" day off for me. I was reminded today of how you used to call me on Monday mornings and ask me what I had planned for my day off. You would always suggest that I come over and visit with you and dad. Of course Mondays were my errand days so I would often remind you that I had a full day ahead. Today, I would have dropped everything and spent the entire day with you ... I had salmon salad for lunch just now and I was reminded of our day in February where I took you shopping and made us salmon salad for lunch. Rest assured that this time I didn't over cook my salmon. :) Thank you for that day. I know you weren't feeling well but it meant so much to me to have you with me. I remember watching you sleep in the chair as I was painting. You looked so ... you.
This afternoon I noticed your bag of clothes from the hospital that you wore the night before you went home to heaven. It is still in the spot where I dropped it when Mona brought it to me. I couldn't help but pull your shirt out and smell it. I laughed because I remembered pulling it straight off the shelf to put it on you when I took you to the hospital. You had only worn it for maybe an hour so it didn't even smell like you. It smelt like your laundry soap though.
Dad is sick today. I can't help but ache in my heart for you. I read your bible last night, curled up in my chair with a cup of hot tea. It was so comforting and you are right ... It IS the greatest gift that you could give me.
Today I want to go out to the acreage by myself and just sift through your stuff. I am scared to though. Everything I want to do and do, do seems to make me miss you more.
I gotta go mom. Today is really hard for me and I just have so much to say but all that comes to mind is ... I MISS YOU! I NEED to talk to you, to hear your voice. I NEED you to hold me and tell me you love me. How will I ever get over this?
Love you, Always and Forever
Tammy
Today is Easter Monday. The kids are home, Blaine is back to work and it should be a "normal" day off for me. I was reminded today of how you used to call me on Monday mornings and ask me what I had planned for my day off. You would always suggest that I come over and visit with you and dad. Of course Mondays were my errand days so I would often remind you that I had a full day ahead. Today, I would have dropped everything and spent the entire day with you ... I had salmon salad for lunch just now and I was reminded of our day in February where I took you shopping and made us salmon salad for lunch. Rest assured that this time I didn't over cook my salmon. :) Thank you for that day. I know you weren't feeling well but it meant so much to me to have you with me. I remember watching you sleep in the chair as I was painting. You looked so ... you.
This afternoon I noticed your bag of clothes from the hospital that you wore the night before you went home to heaven. It is still in the spot where I dropped it when Mona brought it to me. I couldn't help but pull your shirt out and smell it. I laughed because I remembered pulling it straight off the shelf to put it on you when I took you to the hospital. You had only worn it for maybe an hour so it didn't even smell like you. It smelt like your laundry soap though.
Dad is sick today. I can't help but ache in my heart for you. I read your bible last night, curled up in my chair with a cup of hot tea. It was so comforting and you are right ... It IS the greatest gift that you could give me.
Today I want to go out to the acreage by myself and just sift through your stuff. I am scared to though. Everything I want to do and do, do seems to make me miss you more.
I gotta go mom. Today is really hard for me and I just have so much to say but all that comes to mind is ... I MISS YOU! I NEED to talk to you, to hear your voice. I NEED you to hold me and tell me you love me. How will I ever get over this?
Love you, Always and Forever
Tammy
Mar 29, 2013
Easter Weekend
Hey mom,
Today was good Friday. It has been two days since your funeral and last night was the first night that I didn't cry before falling asleep. I honestly thought I was going to have a good day with no tears. Thoughts are one thing and far from reality sometimes. Today's message was put into the perspective of losing a loved one. How appropriate! Of course, the tears spilled down my cheeks and if anyone could relate to that sermon more it was us.
After the service we stopped by dad's to visit with him for awhile. I often glance into your room to see your bed made with your two bibles neatly placed on top. I put them there to give dad comfort. Today when I glanced in I noticed your bibles were not placed one on top of the other. I also noticed your favourite jeans and a green blouse of yours laid out for you. I am not sure how they got there but I imagine dad placed them there. I think he had a rough night without you last night. I invited him to Jim and Rose's on Easter Sunday. I hope and pray that he comes.
This afternoon we went to Roland and Linda's for a fish fry in honour of Good Friday. It was fun but Malakai had too much sugar and lost his temper in front of everyone. The screaming display embarrassed me and made me want to walk right out the front door and go home. He had said he didn't like me and that I was mean. There would have been a time where Malakai saying that would have made me snap back at him. Today, that comment stung. Michelle made a comment about how "it must hurt like heck to have your mom die when you yourself are so young." Die! Wow! What a cold, scary word.
I think about the future and raising my kids in this crazy world. Today I feel a sting of panic. How will I ever cope without your encouragement, your words of wisdom, and your prayers? Please pray for Malakai! Pray that God will help me into raising him into a wonderful, happy, young man.
Why didn't I pray on the phone with you? I know that you wanted me to, but pride got the best of me. Please forgive me! If I could take time back, even for a week, I would have prayed for you ... With you! I still don't know how to make the regrets go away. I don't know how to forgive myself. I am my worst enemy.
Maybe if I just imagine you in the hospital tonight, I can get through the night thinking that I still have tomorrow.
Love you Mom!
Forever and Always,
Tammy
Today was good Friday. It has been two days since your funeral and last night was the first night that I didn't cry before falling asleep. I honestly thought I was going to have a good day with no tears. Thoughts are one thing and far from reality sometimes. Today's message was put into the perspective of losing a loved one. How appropriate! Of course, the tears spilled down my cheeks and if anyone could relate to that sermon more it was us.
After the service we stopped by dad's to visit with him for awhile. I often glance into your room to see your bed made with your two bibles neatly placed on top. I put them there to give dad comfort. Today when I glanced in I noticed your bibles were not placed one on top of the other. I also noticed your favourite jeans and a green blouse of yours laid out for you. I am not sure how they got there but I imagine dad placed them there. I think he had a rough night without you last night. I invited him to Jim and Rose's on Easter Sunday. I hope and pray that he comes.
This afternoon we went to Roland and Linda's for a fish fry in honour of Good Friday. It was fun but Malakai had too much sugar and lost his temper in front of everyone. The screaming display embarrassed me and made me want to walk right out the front door and go home. He had said he didn't like me and that I was mean. There would have been a time where Malakai saying that would have made me snap back at him. Today, that comment stung. Michelle made a comment about how "it must hurt like heck to have your mom die when you yourself are so young." Die! Wow! What a cold, scary word.
I think about the future and raising my kids in this crazy world. Today I feel a sting of panic. How will I ever cope without your encouragement, your words of wisdom, and your prayers? Please pray for Malakai! Pray that God will help me into raising him into a wonderful, happy, young man.
Why didn't I pray on the phone with you? I know that you wanted me to, but pride got the best of me. Please forgive me! If I could take time back, even for a week, I would have prayed for you ... With you! I still don't know how to make the regrets go away. I don't know how to forgive myself. I am my worst enemy.
Maybe if I just imagine you in the hospital tonight, I can get through the night thinking that I still have tomorrow.
Love you Mom!
Forever and Always,
Tammy
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