Dancing in the Mine Field

The last 4 months have been filled with so many mixed emotions.  The road that I have been plunked upon is filled with mountains, pebbles, brooks and mine fields.  The last thing I want is my kids to go back to school and tell their friends that they did nothing but sit in front of screens for the summer.  So regardless of what we have been dealt I make every effort for my kids to see it as memories and fun rather than a summer that will always haunt them.

Unfortunately we have the acreage to deal with and so instead of camping at a camp ground we are camping at the acreage.  Two weekends ago Blaine and I were out there alone with the kids.  I started right into the project the minute I got there.  After finally succumbing to Blaine's request of coming to bed at 11:00 pm,  it felt like I was no sooner asleep than the birds were chirping telling me that my day was slipping away.  When I looked at the clock and saw that it was only 6:30 am I contemplated going back to bed but I also realized that right then was the best time to begin another round of cleaning and organizing.  The kids were still asleep, Boo curled up at Blaine's feet and the only sounds to be heard were the chirping of the family birds that were all so familiar.  Even with Mom and Dad gone they still came fluttering by to see what what bits of food they could find.

It wasn't long before I was well into my work when Ginny came in for her morning hug and to say good morning.  Soon Malakai followed with requests of breakfast and then shortly after Blaine came in asking what the plan was for breakfast.  It was all too familiar..  Something that always happened when we spend the weekend at Mom and Dad's.  I could even hear how excited my Mom would be when we pulled up in our trailer.  Blaine made fried potatoes, bacon and eggs ... not even realizing that it was something Mom would have always made.  A country song played in the background while we ate.  It was a song that I was familiar with and I immediately hopped up and asked the boys to dance with me.  Of course at this age it is not cool to dance let alone with your mother. :)  Ginny jumped right up and giggled as I tried to teach her how to two step.

All of a sudden Blaine put his fork and knife down, got up and said ... "here, watch Mom and I"  He folded me in his arms and began to dance with me, right there in the kitchen.  I couldn't hold back the tears.  They flooded my eyes with joy.  A moment that I will treasure for the rest of my life.  A moment that shows so much to our children.  A moment to add to so many memories of moments spent with family in that kitchen.

The song ended, breakfast was cleared and  the sound of the sander curiously brought me to the big living room window.  There, out side our trailer, Blaine had taken a break to make the kids each a set of stilts.  I was instantly jolted to another child hood memory where my best friend Jill and I used to play on her farm on home made stilts.

What a blessing to see these things enfold before my eyes.  What a fun treat for the kids.  What a blessing to be able to keep them forever in the banks of my memories.

So for now, we will go dancing through the mine fields and take life one step at a time!

Spring has Sprung!?!

I am adjusting to our new life.  The emptiness in my heart is still there but I am learning to cope.  Today has warmed up a bit more.  Just the site of the canopy over the deck and the trampoline set up puts a smile on my face.  I even snuck out on the trampoline for a few jumps before I turned in for the night.  I take joy in the little things that brings that smile right to my heart.  I have found that a smile can be planted quite easily on a face but not go any deeper than just that.

Blaine and I have decided to sneak away and just relax for a week.  It was a decision that was made when I was feeling completely overwhelmed.   I am looking forward to nice weather, beaches and the ocean.  

I am amazed at how songs, stories, smells, and even people remind me of mom.  I can see change in myself and not all of it is good but I do see life through a different lens.  Sometimes realization hits more than I would like and I almost panic, thinking that I will never see her earthly image again.

I can't believe how blessed I am to have so many loving, caring people surrounding me and supporting me.  Even today I checked my mail box and was reminded by a dear friend that she is thinking about me and praying for me.  I could not have gotten through this as well had I not had the support that I do.  I am so thankful for all of the cards, meals, thoughtful notes, gifts and gestures that have been poured upon our family.      

Life goes on though and there are celebrations to be made ... without her.  I received a copy of an email that was sent to the Chief of the DFD requesting that I get my recruit stickers removed.  This is a huge sign of growth within the department.  My sister and I had lunch with dad today.  I made them egg salad sandwiches with chips and a bowl of ice cream.  We had our secret sister wrap up tea this evening.  I planned on sharing something about how important it is to be and have a secret sister.  I was holding it together quite well until someone sang a mash up of some songs and one was a favorite of moms.  I choked up while speaking but It was nice to be with "sisters" who understand and can relate to my tears.  I enjoyed the time of laughter and sharing. 

It is good to be able to move into another season.  Greatly needed.     

Determination

Yesterday as Blaine and I drove to Home Depot I felt this overwhelming surge of emotion.  What the heck is wrong with me I thought, and then I quickly realized it was a good emotion, a full heart feeling, an excitement of the things I have accomplished lately and the feeling of Joy and Peace.

After ending a week of 4 structure fires, 2 river rescues and 2 flooded basements, all in 72 hours and during the deep hours of sleep I was exhausted. Following that I babysat our sweet Eden for the weekend and was so blessed with an overabundance amount of hugs, kisses and "I llla  luuuu's".

During my week of lack of sleep I had overheard Chief talking about a workout that he wanted all of us to start doing together.  The workout is called INSANITY and all he could say is that it was very hard.  My thoughts immediately went to a bunch of men and myself, stuck in our training room sweating to death and me making an absolute fool of myself.  So, instead of waiting a month until this began I decided to start without them.  

So while I was with Eden I watched the clips and mentally prepared myself for the worst and began to set some goals.  For 6 days straight I set my alarm for 7:00am.  The minute my alarm when off I would fight all instincts to press snooze and sleepily drag my butt out of bed.  I would then dress in my work out gear and proceed to gulp (gag) down a glass full of my Greens Plus followed by half a banana.  I learned quick that is about all I can handle in my stomach before doing such and intense workout.  From there I would head into the office and begin the 40 minutes of H*&%%.  

Insanity is a perfect word for this workout.  It is the only word that can be used to describe it.  So, for 5 days this was my routine.  On Saturday (day 6) I woke up and thought "I must do it now!! Or I never will get it done today if I don't."  As soon as I was done I felt such accomplishment.  6 full days of working out!  6 full days of that disgusting drink!  6 full days of not hitting snooze!  And in those days I have improved enough that I can actually get through the entire warmup without stopping.  Yes I said warm up.  It really is that insane!!  Followed by that Ginny and I made some banana bread and Blaine and I worked hard together landscaping our rental unit.  

My house is still unkept, my laundry is still behind but I don't really care about that right now.  I spent time with my kids.  I spent time on a project with my fav. person, and I even canned for the very first time, making 2 jars of Choke Cherry Apple Butter.  I am also finally at peace with the trailer in a horrible state and still being on the market.  I am moving up, leaps and bounds and I feel so good.  Now I just have to get through the next 8 weeks. :)  

Mr. Rogers

Today I decided to take my bike to work, which is now a much more enjoyable ride since it is now half of the distance I used to go before we moved.  I can now get home, have some lunch and relax rather than turn right back around and head back to work.  During my ride there was a moment when Mr. Rogers invaded my happy spot in my brain. I may have just aged myself admitting to the fact that yes I was around when Mr. Rogers was on t.v.  For those of you who don't know, Mr. Rogers wore a grey sweater and would come into his house, put on his shoes and begin to tie them up as he sang ..."It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood .... a beautiful day, a beautiful day, won't you be my neighbour."  This was the point where I could take no more and I would turn it to Mr. Dress up or some other G rated kid show. :) 

Today is just that though.  As I rode my bike home for lunch I saw three familiar kids walking their brand new puppy (the cutest thing ever I might add).  Coaxing it to walk as the littlest one ran up ahead and giggled.  There was a group from the daycare enjoying the park, a man going for a jog and then of course me, huffing and puffing up the hill.  I couldn't help but think of Mr. Rogers and his annoying beautiful day song.  :)

If you were to walk into my house right now you would have no idea that I was home all day.   Tonight you would find an entry way scattered with soggy mitts, wet snow pants and pieces of scattered snow.  A box of unmatched socks would welcome you as you sat on the couch amongst the bits and pieces of the new 'lego friends' who are visiting the 'pirate of the Caribbean' gang.

If we found the time to indulged in some adult conversation I am sure we would be quickly interrupted with the buzzer update of the current hockey game score coming from the ipod charging on the floor, and of course I would have to warn you that you will most definitely find a half a dozen cowboy, sniper, dart or pistol guns scattered between the bedrooms and living spaces, and don't be surprised if you find the odd piece of laundry lying about or even dirty dishes in the sink.

The part that you would have missed is watching kids play some military game outside in the snow while the two youngest kids played Lego together.  Your life may have been even better and fuller knowing that your favorite team lost yet another game.  Did you notice the walkway shovelled clear for your visit?  Or the play room now a bit more neater.   The best part will be tomorrow when at three different instances all three kids will go riffling through that box of unmatched socks filled with frustration as they 'can't find one pair'.  Now close you eyes and smell the faint hint of freshly baked cookies or hear the soft noises of someone playing in bed as they try and fall asleep.  Now you understand why my house is a shambles even after I didn't work today.  :)  Thanks for the visit.    

Happy New Year ~ 2012

In a blink of an eye we are done with our year and onto a new one...well not really a blink but close enough. I watched our 'annual' home video the other day and it amazed me at all that we have accomplished, achieved, experienced, endured, suffered and sacrificed in 2011. I stare in shock at my reflection in the mirror as I notice grey hairs that have found there way to my head. I also laugh in understanding as I place a moment to each and every one of them.

Perhaps the onset of those moments were when Blaine announced that he wanted to give firefighting a try and succeeded in becoming a volunteer firefighter for our wonderful little community. If it wasn't that it was definitely when he decided to take the kayak down a hill in the dead of winter. Apparently it is called 'snow kayaking' you need to google it just so you can get a clear visual.

The most exciting part of our year was when we decided to surprise the kids with a trip to Disney. The best part of that trip was that Nana and Opa were able to come with us. It was the greatest surprise ever! We had the kids fooled all the way to the boarding area. Malakai was so surprised that he nearly cried. This was a great time for the 7 of us and we were so blessed to have been able to take that trip when we did. Little did we know that Dad's cancer had returned and that his strength and energy were far better off then than it it is now.

After a fire storm destroyed almost all of Slave Lake I took the opportunity to be involved in the disaster relief that was provided for the community and joined a team from the Samaritans Purse who helped out with the logistic team. Being a part of an emergency team in a high adrenaline situation such as that sparked an unknown interest for something much deeper.

Spring also brought a great surprise as or landlords were in need of selling the house that we lived in. While we knew the time would eventually come, it came much to fast and we were house searching yet again.  Ginny joined her first triathlon and we couldn't believe how well she did each event. It was so fun for her, and us.

Obviously each kid celebrated a birthday. Keegan turned 12 this year and since he is always so interested in guns, Blaine and I thought it would be neat to take him to a shooting range. He surprised us with his reaction when he refused to shoot one. We were proud of him for his decision.

Throughout the summer Blaine responded to more fire calls and we soon began to become acquainted with our 'new' family. The two of us joined a soft ball team with them and while neither of us were good at it, we enjoyed it. We kayaked down the river a fair bit and Blaine snuck off to do a fair bit of fishing.  At summers end we went on a well needed family camping trip with Blaine's parents, sister and nieces. It was the first time that we took our two weeks holiday all at once. We came back just in time to move into our new house, celebrate Ginny's 10th birthday and start the kids off in school all in a matter of ten days.

September brought us craziness again  as I couldn't help myself and I applied for the volunteer firefighters as well.   In November we celebrated Malakai's 8th birthday with close friends and a few family members.  After passing my interview, nine weeks of training and my final exams i officially became a firefighter. It sounds so crazy and I can honestly say I have gotten every mixed reaction you could think of but I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of training.  In just two short days I will receive my pager and then we will see if I still feel the same way.  :)  

Since then we have been juggling boys brigade, shinning stars, piano lessons, youth group, and training. What a crazy, wonderful, sad, fun, adventurous year.  While I have not enjoyed feeling a year older we have enjoyed watching the kids change before our eyes. We have enjoyed serving our community and most of all we have enjoyed the many blessings that God has given us and the friends and family in which to share them with.

Colossians 4:6  Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Happy 2012!

My road of Tranquility

I have lived in this area all my life. Of course in the day to day extremities of my life I have taken different routes to get me back and forth to the places I need to be. As I travelled one particular route this morning I was flooded with so many memories. This specific route is beautiful. It is the main route I take that connects me to the warm familiarity of "family" that I was born into and my own family that God has blessed me with.

As familiar as my road has become it changes on a day to day basis. The curves, the straights, the gully, it all remains the same but the surroundings change so often. Sometimes the crops are so golden that as the sun shines down you can't help but let your eye wonder across the vastness of it all. The sunsets and rises are always splashed with different colors. In the summer the road is so smooth that I am often tempted to soar a little faster than I should with the feeling of freedom under my foot. In the winter it is the exact opposite. Perhaps it is the dusting of snow that covers the fields, the ice layering the pavement or the standing deer, ready to run that slows us down.

This road has brought forth so many conversations. Some child's laughter, another's stories, or even ones tears. It has even been the dumping ground of an upset stomach or even a child in the throes of rage. This same road has even been marked with the harsh scars of fire,ironically the first fire that Blaine fought.

This morning my road was quite bare with the fields full of snow. The sunrise had taken its full position in the sky right in front of me. As I drove down through the gully I saw the familiar marked trees, bare and ready for the pending weather. As I turned a corner I saw three deer standing across the road, watching to see if I was headed their way. I couldn't help but think how this road resembles the road in life that I am travelling. Sometimes things are going great and we are soaring through life with no worries or fears. There are times when we feel hesitant about a change that we need to endure. Sometimes we stumble upon many winter storms were we feel like the world is out of control and we have nowhere to go. All the while we look ahead to the summer when the trees will continue to heal themselves or when God takes us in his arms and reminds us to lean on him and look full in his wonderful face.

A sence of "Newness"

Ever since our move, I have had this overwhelming felling of "newness". A new house, a new school, new routine, new season, new outlook on life, even a new smell. When your world flips upside down somewhat like it did for us this summer, you can decide to deal with irrationally by filling it with anger, resentment or depression. Or, you can keep putting one foot in front of the other and have faith that God will get you through. Perhaps that is my reasoning behind this newness. So many people are praying for my parents and us that it has given me a sense of peace and acceptance. At the same time, I have chosen to make things different for us. I have chosen to work harder at my relationships and I have chosen to work harder at seeing myself in a different more positive way.

Highlight of my afternoon and morning ~ Malakai and I were spending some one on one building lego. The whole time I was building, I was listening to him sing and mummble and tell stories. The whole time not knowing what on earth I was creating. All of a sudden he looks up at my piece of work and says ... "Awesome!! Mom that is great. Look, if I add it to this, it becomes a garage for my motor bike. So cool!" Who knew! :) Then this morning, it being grocery day our staples are low and we have very little time for creativity. So, in a mad dash I whipped up some muffins, threw a pizza in the oven, found a cheese stick and some fruit, threw on a pot of oatmeal and had breakfast and lunch taken care of. As I am upstairs getting ready I hear Malakai ... "Mom, you are awesome! You gave us all our food groups in lunch today."

What a way to lift a mom's spirits.

Facebook withdrawls

Seriously!!! Today has been the hardest day for not going on facebook. So far I have thought of contacting 4 different people and I would call them or even email them if i knew their phone numbers. I often find myself thinking of status'. Today marks 16 days till we go to Disney. I would probably post something along the lines of packing or how proud I am of us being so secretive and how the kids still have no idea. I refuse to go on though. In fact while looking at the living socials deal I clicked on a picture and had no idea I was instantly lead to facebook until I went to look at the other product picture. I was only on for a few seconds and even though I had no idea ... I felt so guilty.

Today

Today is a better, brighter day. Last night I couldn't wait to close my eyes and say goodbye to what was and to slowly embrace what is too come.

I had a good morning, even after sitting on a peed toilet seat. :) Who on earth taught those boys to pee?

Homework was done, lunches were made and everyone made it to their destinations on time.

while I still feel grouse, it is Friday and the weather is supposed to be nice again tomorrow. Yeah for the weekend!!!

Look what we have done!

First of all, let me warn you, what you are about to read may be shocking to the soul. This entry may bring out feelings that you have not felt in some time. You may become jealous, angry, shocked or judgmental. Please note that the people described in this entry are all healthy, happy, and most of all, full of God's Grace.

In the last week or so Blaine and I have been behaving like crazy school kids. In the late hours of the night when the kids are sound asleep you will often hear the gut wrenching laughter of two grown adults making absolute fools of themselves. For some, our behavior would be uncalled of. Take tonight's supper for instance... The kids leave the table and it is just Blaine and I sitting at a large empty table still enjoying our supper. Instead of Blaine getting up and handing the bowl of salad to me, he proceeds to literally throw the bowl of salad up in the air and across the table for me to catch. I KNOW!!!! The best part, I caught it and none spilled out. I wonder what our kids will end up doing when they are grown adults just from watching us in action. After another bout of laughter Blaine gets serious and informs me of what dawned on him today. If others knew what we have done in the last 5 years they would be speechless. As he listed off these things I proceeded to laugh some more and add my own. Here is our list....

In the last five years we have .....

Moved twice
Changed churches
Changed schools twice
Taken two of my nieces in (to live with us) for a year each time
Had 4 different main vehicles and 3 different work vehicles
Went on a missions trip to Mexico
Went to Disneyland twice
Went to Ontario twice
Drove back from Ontario in just under 3 days
Blaine had his appendix removed
Malakai broke his arm
Had 2 bouts of chicken pox
Dealt with a family member having Breast cancer
Dealt with a family member having Prostate cancer
Lost two Grandmas
Lost an Aunty
Blaine switched Careers twice
Bought 2 dune buggies
Bought a holiday trailer
Became a full time working Mother
Had and got rid of two dogs and a cat
I took part in 2 Amazing Challenge events (AKA Amazing race)
Blaine took part in 1
Blaine bungee jumped for the first time

I am sure the list could go on and on. I mean, when you think about it, we have had 25 birthday parties, pulled at least a dozen teeth, kissed a million boo boo's, and wiped a gazillion tears.

So, are we simply to crazy for you? Or, do you still love us?

"Mama Said"

So, Blaine and I became victim to the dreaded H1N1. For us, it was not as bad as some have gotten. Blaine was even worse than myself but we survived and are now about 80% back to normal. Blaine tried to go to work this morning but just could not make it. Of course with piles upon piles of boxes to unpack I did put him to work in a few areas. I enjoy having him and the kids home. It is a nice, much needed break.

Anyway, I happen to be in Ginny's room and as I looked out the window I noticed two older boys approach the kids and their friends. My motherly instinct had to observe and see what was happening. One of the boys proceeded to bike down the steps of the neighbors path way while Malakai sat on his little bike and observed. Over and over in my head I willed him to do the right thing. "Don't do it Malakai!" "Don't do it!" Sure enough, one of the bigger kids challenges Malakai to try it out. I immediately called Blaine over to observe what was probably Malakai's first taste of Peer Pressure. Blaine joined me and observed as Malakai challenged the other teen to go down the steps. "Chicken" .... he chanted. Blaine was so proud of his son for talking smack. Before I knew it I saw Ginny run for the door looking for the bike helmets. I quickly met her at the door and gave her some much needed advice.

Blaine and I stayed and watched as Malakai hauled his bike to the top of the steps. Before he even braced himself for destruction little Ginny pipes in. "Malakai, Mama said don't do it." Blaine gave me one of those you didn't looks and says. "Oh great now the kids that Malakai was taunting will be like "you better not do it ... your "mama" said." I guess I did the forbidden and crossed the line. :)

Our continuous journey forward

I read a quote one day and it has been one of those quotes that has stuck in my head ever since (if I get enough courage you just may see it tattooed on my foot but that is a whole other post :).

My Quote: Life is a Journey, not a destination!

This one quote has held so much truth in our lives. We were Youth leaders, Drama directors, Awana Leaders and now Pre Teen leaders. Blaine did a shocker roo and decided one day to switch careers while another day deciding that it wasn't good for him and went back to electrical. I went from 10 years of being a stay at home mom to a full time Administrative Assistant. And yes as many remind us, we have a tenancy to move on a regular basis. The most awesome part of it all is that this whole time we have been loving friends, loving teens, loving children and loving each other. God has led us down this journey and all though there are times that we struggle and ask the why's or just don't know where we are going next, we are along for the ride and are loving the journey. Sometimes we look back and wish that we would have done things differently but then off we go down another fork in road, starting a new adventure.

This Friday we will be attempting a start down a new fork in the road. For so long I wanted to be where we are now going. For so long I wished to be closer to my parents and to our church family. Now the opportunity has come where we get to keep our house and rent it out, at the same time renting a house of our own. We are not the only ones excited. We have lots of friends excited about future walk nights and hang out nights and the kids have been adjusting in their new school since September and Love it! Today was the first day the kids got to see their new home and they got so excited about every part of it. We relished at the bike paths right down the road from us and we looked ahead into winter when we can toboggan down some more paths further down the road. Then, just as we were heading out the door we heared someone hollering Keegan's name. Can you believe that right across the street in the house directly across from us is a brother and sister that are in Keegan and Ginny's class? All I can say is, this is from God. This is our Journey that he is leading us on.

I am still toying with the sadness of once again packing up our memories and leaving some behind. I will miss my bestest friend and will miss the other friendships that were just getting started but the whole time I am reminded of......

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Yes it is true, my favorite quote has some false hoods. To my excitement there is a glorious destination that awaits me but until that time comes I am going to "Stand Sure" and continue forward on our Journey.

Kids will say the darndest things.

My bug seems to be growing right before my eyes. Last night while I was driving home with two of the kids, I was blessed with the sweetest conversation.

"When I grow up, I am going to be a farmer" Ginny says.
Keegan says "You can't be a farmer, boys are farmers."
"Well that o.k," she says. "I will just have a lot of work to do, won't I mom? "Then, when I find my husband I will ask him if he wants to have a farm with lots and lots of animals."
"No Ginny!" Keegan says. "It is the man's job to do all the farm work."
All of a sudden, Ginny gets this huge bright look in her eyes and says .. "Oh, that would work out perfect. My husband can do all the outdoor chores and I can take care of the house and clean it. That would be fun!" I am glad that she thinks house work will be fun. Boy is she in for a shocker.

~ Later in the evening I was overwhelmed with life and Blaine and I tried to find a secluded area where we could talk. In our little home, no where is secluded. It was not long before Malakai heard us talking and came in very quite. "Mommy, are you crying?" he asks. "Yes Malakai, mommy is crying." "Why are you crying" he questions.
What do you tell a five year old when you feel like life is spinning out of control and you are left in the dust. The main reason I was upset was because my heart was broken from a social issue, so all I could say was "Mommy is having troubles with friends. He walks over, puts his little hand on my shoulder and says "I will be your friend."

Of course by now everyone knows that I am upset and Keegan comes in and asks the same thing. His reply of course was "Daddy is your best friend. That is all you need mom."

Our little family is changing so quickly. They are getting more observant, sharing their feelings, dreaming and even sticking together. Right now, life is throwing all the punches. We are being jarred left and right with everything from finances to faith, but just like Keegan said, "we are all together and that is all we need."

The sounds of summer

For once in my life I have begun to set aside my days off for just me and the kids and I am really enjoying it. Since all of us were up at 5 this morning to get Blaine into the city for a car repair, I needed a nap more than anyone. There is something so rewarding when the house is quite and you wake up with one little one still sound asleep snuggled up beside you.

I carefully pried myself away and sat at the computer with the deck door open and the summer breeze mixed with the sunshine pouring in. Moments like these are rare in our house. Usually it is filled with loud boyish laughter and "mommy did you knows." Keegan just turned 10 a month ago and I really see his boyishness leaving and his "older mature self" coming out. He like to voice his opinion now that things like the sea lion show and shopping are not on his to do list. Before he would tell me all about a cartoon he saw or something cool he did on his game. Now his conversations are filled with extreme detail about real life things he has seen or heard. I wasn't surprised today when he asked how old he had to be when he could get a cell phone. Interesting enough he still trudged through the mall, holding my hand, just as happy to see the sea lion show as the rest.

The garbage truck is coming by now and I can faintly hear the laughter of children in the wind. I am dreading the moment Malakai wakes up. He is not a happy waker. It was a true delight today to see the world in his eyes. He loved going for breakfast with Aunty and it amazes me how much he is "in love" with food. He outwardly enjoyed watching the sea lion show and was happy to lounge on the big leather stool and make faces at himself in the mirror while I tried on clothes. Ginny on the other hand was her usual chatty self and since she "always" shares a birthday party with grandpa she wants to ask if maybe grandpa wouldn't mind going to galaxy land on all the rides this time. "I think he might just like that" she says.

For a moment I wish that Blaine were there by my side to soak up the innocence but then selfishly I realized, it wouldn't be the same then. It wouldn't be just me and the kids enjoying our summer together. I can't believe that July is already half over. There are moments where I miss spending every day hanging in the sun with the kids but now I look forward to the Mondays ahead and I cherish the time with the kids more than I would have before. I'm going to miss them when they are in school.

My journey

I started my new job yesterday and it finally sunk in today of the choice that I made. My clean organized house is slowly going to par. My priorities have quickly been rearranged and the time I spend on facebook and blogging seems to be of little importance now.

My morning now consists of a mad dash gathering homework, lunches and kids. I no longer dawdle around in my p.j's doing the morning laundry and cleaning the house.

My afternoon lunch break consists of a few minutes chatting with Blaine comparing our most eventful mornings, thinking of how the kids are doing and wondering how on earth I am honestly going to remember everything in just one month.

After work I race home to deal with supper, daily recaps from the kids, preparing lunches and desperately trying to keep the house up.

As I lay in bed I think "what have I done?" Reality hits and I remind myself that I am on another journey. This time I am doing something that I wanted to do and something for myself, if that makes any sense at all.

Ginny tried to convince me at supper that she really misses me now. Time difference of when I didn't work = Exactly one hour. :) I gotta feel loved.

So, if I don't blog as much, or facebook as often, know that I am still around, just on a journey. Don't give up on me.

Many pieces to the puzzle

I think it is safe now to say that "I got the job!" As of June 2nd I will be the new Administrative assistant at our church. This has been a huge thing for us. Needless to say, my May has been filled with my wheels constantly turning, with frustration and excitement and with both positive and negative feedback.
For me, it is a giant step that all of us are taking together. The kids will need child care, Blaine will have to step up to the plate and help out a little more around the house, and I will no longer have the freedom that I am used to.
I am sad that I will no longer walk the kids down the familiar path to school and that I will no longer be able to just hang out there and chat with teachers, or stop by at friends for tea. I will miss my routine and I dread the fact that eventually our weathered path will become overgrown.
At the same time I am excited. For so long I have felt like a part of me didn't really fit in. I have friends who are high into careers with no kids, and then I have friends that have really little ones that are completely focused on doctors appt, nap times, and diapers.
Finally I have something that is just for me. I know that there will be politics and annoyances. Like any job there will be times where I will think "what have I done?" This is such an opportunity for me and I am so thankful.
At the same time, opportunities have opened for the kids. The possibility of going to a school with great moral principles and smaller than small class sizes may be on the horizon.
This is a new beginning for us. This new beginning is a fresh start where I am happy to say God has been the driver and even though I have wanted to, I have not taken the steering wheel. I admit, I have been the back seat driver at times but he is still in control and we are along for the awesome adventure.