This Christmas has just fallen upon us without any warning what so ever! Like all things this year, I have taken on responsibilities that I rather not have. Mom loved Christmas! She loved finding such unique ways to present each grand kid with $20.00. She loved to bake all sorts of mixed match cookies to bring to church and to Christmas Eve. Each Christmas she would be so sick but she was still determined to come and spend time with her family. Out of all the Christmas' that I remember, there was only one Christmas that she missed and that was because she had the stomach flu. This Christmas there will be an emptiness. One that everyone will try not to acknowledge and try to carry on through. It just won't be the same without her.
When I look at this picture I remember how sick she was with Pneumonia last Christmas. I had a skit that night and she wanted to be there to watch me. She barely made it into her seat but she did!!! As I recited my lines I looked out into the audience and there she was ... face towards me, eyes closed, with a smile on her face, praying to her Jesus. I wonder now if she new. Did he tell her time was precious? Did she know than that it would be her last Christmas? Time is so precious and so short. For the last year we have done so much struggling. Struggling with each other, with teachers, and family. Like anyone would ... I wish that I could turn back time and do it differently. I wish I could stop time and keep her forever.
As I look at this beautiful picture that I took on Christmas Eve of last year I am reminded of her faith, her heart and her patience. I know life is rough. I know that time will not stop and that it can not be turned back but I am also reminded to look ahead, put a smile on my face, close my eyes and thank God for the time that I have and for holding onto me in the time ahead.
1 comment:
Tammy, I know too well how you feel - I too am feeling a big hole in my life where my grandparents used to be. I am missing my grandma's shortbread, our annual Christmas Eve visit, my grandpa's endless jars of Christmas candy. But we will get through this. Time and prayer, that's all we need. Jo
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