1 - 8 Weeks

I know it is a morbid thought but what would you do if you were give one to eight weeks to live? If you say anything to anyone you know for a fact that in the next few weeks the only visitors that you get are ones trying to say goodbye in their own way. Sisters and brothers from out of town, nieces and nephews from down the road, grandchildren from only hrs away. What do you say when they come to see you? Do you just smile like nothing is different or do you have those heart to heart moments with everyone of them? Not to mention the fact that you are so knocked up on Morphine that who comes and goes sometimes doesn't even matter.

Or, do you just go on with life as though you didn't hear this terrible news and tell no one? Making little phone calls here and there secretly saying your good bye's.

Now what if you are the one who's loved one is given this time frame to live? Do you rush over and spend as much time as you can with that person or do you just sit at home and wait? Or would you rather not have known and gone on with life. Maybe it just so happened that in that little time frame you never made it down the path for a little visit. Maybe you never even spoke at all. Then one day, you get that hateful phone call saying that you will never speak again.

I know, it is morbid. In reality it happens all the time. In fact this is what has been going on with Blaine's Aunt in the last 3-4 weeks. These are the thought that have been going through our minds. Unfortunately Blaine has been on both sides of the boat now. Unfortunately as he has shared personally with me. "If your striped of your emotions enough you just don't feel it anymore." Those words are hard to hear and hard to deal with. Just imagine attending a funeral of a loved one and feeling empty and hollow with no emotion. Is this what happens when we have to deal with death so head on.

Well, Aunties time is very sparse now. Now our thoughts are somewhat selfish. Will she go this week and then we will end up attending a funeral and then rushing off to direct a drama. Will she pass away when we are gone and we miss the whole thing? Will Blaine have to take more time off of work?

Then as I lay in bed with the house so quiet and dark I have a moment now to get in tune with my real heart feelings. Is she saved? Has she uttered those few simple words of "I believe"? Have my prayers been heard? I am going to miss walking down the path with the kids to say hi and share tea and cookies. I am going to miss the birthday bashes and the anniversary's. I am going to miss how she and Ginny shared their little moments.

Now how on earth do you explain this to your kids. They know that Auntie is sick and that she is going to die soon but when it really does happen the reality is going to hit. Then your "selfish" parents are going to leave you questioning and hurting as they whisk themselves off to some resort. Now how morbid does that sound? I feel horrible.

The once so stressful things like a drama, parent teacher interviews, vacations, and teenagers all seem so small right now.

The cards that life deals us!!!!! it is a good thing that we have God to help us through.