Somethings just stay the same.

I have a big confession to make ... For years I have been a tad on the OCD side. I have improved immensely, especially considering how bad I was when Keegan was born. I wouldn't doubt if half of his problems were because of the way I was in his growing up years. :) Take when he was just nearing two years old for example. I was a stay at home mom and I would often spend all my free time cleaning and organizing. In fact I did so much organizing that it was a common thing for people to stop in for a visit and make a comment about me re arranging the rooms or the furniture. Still to this day if something stays the same for more than 6 months it is something to boast about. Either that or keep quiet because saying something might cause me to want to change things.

I remember one day in particular though. I had cleaned Keegan's room and was just finishing up down stairs when Keegan so proudly toddled down the stairs and announced "Mommy, tome see, I dorganized my room". Fear clutched at my chest as he wrapped his pudgy little hand around my fingers and took the stairs one step at a time. When we reached his room everything in me wanted to scream. There in the middle of his room were all his stuffies, all his toys and all his books in one giant heap all piled on his favorite blanket. I can still see his big smile and his bright eyes as he was so proud of himself, all the while making me want to cry.

last week Keegan had no school for two days so he was at home alone. When I came home on my lunch break he met me at the door and was so excited to announce that he unloaded and loaded the dishwasher and he cleaned his and Ginny's bedrooms. My immediate thought was panic but when I looked at his masterpiece it was a bit of Joy, humour and sadness all mixed in one. I was joyful because the bedrooms were actually clean and he was capable of doing a good job. Humour because of his unique skill that he took in making sure it wasn't just clean but a masterpiece and sadness because once upon a time, 10 years ago a little boy was so excited to make his mommy proud and at that moment she was anything but.