A sad, sad dream

So here I sit, up one hour earlier than I need to be and my heart is broken. All because of a weird, wacked dream I had. I find the need to blog this since I have had one similar once or even twice before.

Blaine and the kids and I were off somewhere with his parents. We were all crowded around the campsite talking when something was moving under the motor home. We stepped back to take a look and this large Moose squirmed its way out from under the motor home and took off running. Odd as it may seem, this was normal in my dream. A bit later, Keegan was off walking/running and playing when another Moose scurries out from under the motor home. I say scurries like it was a mouse. It was not a mouse, it was a large, full grown Moose. This time though, the Moose goes straight for the kids. We start yelling for the Moose to get distracted but it heads straight for Keegan's gangly legs frolicking through the grass. Sure enough it reaches Keegan, swoops him up into the air and he falls into a mangled heap. I jolted myself into a subconscious reality and once my heart stops aching and regains its normal speed I start dreaming something else.

We are now headed on a journey with my parents this time. We are in a normal vehicle but on these crazy roads, like rides in Disney. This is where the dream starts that I have had before. Sometimes the roads are in a swamp and disappearing. Sometimes they are straight down like a roller coaster. My heart aches for Keegan because he doesn't like roller coasters and this was not intended. We are safe though and we make it to our destination in Jasper. In Jasper we attend a large dinner at some friends of ours. The Kalamoutsos's house is bustling with activity, and full of Greak meals. This time there is two dinners though. One dinner is hosted by a family from our current church. I hesitate, knowing that our family of five is on her list I opt out of the Kaus' dinner and go to the Kalamoutsos' with my parents instead. They always prepare more food than required.

While there I am sitting in a chair and in runs Peeka. She runs into my arms, snuggles up and is so excited to see me. Blaine and I look around in shock wondering where on earth she came from. I soon realize that her new owner has been invited to this party and that she decided to bring her. I am elated with Joy but filled with so much remorse for selling her. Then Peeka looks at me with big sad eyes and with out moving her mouth whispers. "I don't want to go back with her. I want you guys. You told me that there would be a dad that would play with me, and there is not."

I bolt myself awake and immediately break out in tears. What a silly dream. What a horrible dream. What a sad dream.

Obviously my heart is so torn for my family right now. I feel so bad for all this change that the kids are going through. I take it all as a burden on my shoulders. We probably could have stayed and purchased this house. The kids would have been fine with the cramped situation. It was Blaine that needed the garage and myself that would have like a larger layout without the kids next door. The kids could have stayed in the same school, feeling loved and secure. Is love and security going to get them through High School though?

I feel immense remorse for selling our little puppy today. I loved her. I really did. I just felt it wasn't fair that we weren't playing with her like we should. I gave her lots of love but not attention and she really needed attention. :( I just can't manage a full time job, a puppy and three kids all needing my attention.

Why do I keep dreaming about that roller coaster, swampy road and the going to the Kalamoutsos's "safe house" dinner?

God please take this burden away. Keep us all safe and protected and keep my puppy safe. :(