Wake me up from this bad dream!

Last night I dreamt that I went grocery shopping with all three kids. When I got to our grocery store, everything was changed. It was dark and dreary. Instead of greeting us, the lady at the door gave her condolences about my husband dying. I tried to go further but people were telling me that it was going to be hard for me to handle by myself and that things have changed so much. They were questioning my ability to do it "without my husband". I panicked and felt my throat tightening. I felt like life was swirling around and sucking the air out of me. I took one look at Keegan and in stricken panic I asked "Keegan, quick, what does dad always say?" Keegan looked at me with these large eyes full of fear. "I don't know mom" he said. "Keegan, I pleaded, what does dad always say?" Keegan looked at me so serious and mumbled " It's ok! We will get through this, we always do".

I woke up and felt the emptiness beside my bed and my heart sank. I leaned a little further and to my relief he was still there, sound asleep.

Today we got bad news. Dad's test results are back and his prostate cancer has come back. This time spreading to his spine and breast bone. It was hard news to take and I was surprised that I was taking it so well. "Was" being the key word. I took it well until Blaine walked in, returning from a fire call. Lucky for me, Blaine always makes it better.

As I kissed Malakai to bed this evening I was on the phone with my mom and dad together. Malakai asked Nana to sing him a song. I smiled as I could hear my moms song through the phone. Then when I leaned closer I heard my dad say ... "Malakai, do you want Opa to sing a song for you?" "Yes!" Malakai giggles. Then through Malakai's still chubby hands, through the tiny divice that makes distance disappear I could hear dad sing .."What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? Early in the morning."

My heart melted and I hung onto that ever so precious moment for as long as I could.