Nov 2, 2017
NEW BLOG
Decided to change things up a bit. Continue following our seasons at https://foreveralegacy.blogspot.ca
Nov 17, 2016
A smile on my face, a smile in my heart
When I was little I was an anxious child. I was always afraid of being sick at school. I always had an upset stomach. My mom took me to so many dr. appointments, just to try and figure out why I was always sick. Unfortunately all they could come up with was ... Anxiety. I think of my own kids ... Keegan seems to be like me more than anyone but all three of them showing signs of anxiety as well. It is days like today when my cell phone "dings' with the familiar alert, letting me know that I have a text message. I look at the time and smile. Sure enough, it's a text from Ginny. It's routine, every day, at lunch time ... "How's work going?" So thoughtful, so loving. Sometimes the messages contains a picture, sometimes she is sad, sometimes it's just a message to see my words. I LOVE knowing that she feels comfort in that fact that I am only a text message away. It comforts me to know that when even though Malakai is in a different school he knows that when he has a question, or if something is bothering him ... He knows he can message me. Makes me wonder if I would have turned out any differently had cell phones been the big thing back in my day.
Jan 28, 2016
An Ordinary Day in My Life
So, a friend of mine nominated me to post a picture a day that showed an ordinary day in my life for seven days. Lets be honest ... the last few days have not been thrilling especially since I find my family entertaining enough to have made this blog years ago and filled it full of humour, love, and laughter. After all, I am sure most of you remember December 24, 2015 - I swear officer, we are an honest family. Yep I am going there ... If you read that previous posts about two certain toads and fish and wildlife you might want to stick around and read this one to the end. HONEST Officer ... I swear we are an honest family. Finally a real ordinary day for us. Don't know what the heck I am talking about? Take a moment to check it out ... Far right column- Out of the mouth of Keegan - First entry
Day 6 - An Ordinary Day in My Life
So now that I have your attention and you are familiar with our Toad situation and our near escape from being convicted of a criminal offence I can tell you about today. My day started at 05:00 - (hard to get up that early when you have done nothing but sleep for days because of a flu). 06:00 - En route to work I was stuck in a major traffic delay due to a train guard being stuck in the down position. 08:30 - One patient transfer out from Leduc and back, followed by 3 lift assists (allowing me to feel like a Firefighter again.) 15:30 - Pit stop after work at Costco. 16:30 - Ending with Hot drinks and a fine gentleman that I am proud to call my husband.
Ending is the key word. I finally get in the door hang up my jacket, and start putting the groceries away when a familiar blue and red light out the window catches my eye. I run upstairs to inconspicuously check out whats going on. Just as I look out the window I see someone pointing to our house. This is all too familiar and I immediately starting asking everyone what illegal activity THEY took part in. Ginny heads out to move the garbage can that was previously frozen to the end of the driveway thinking perhaps that was the issue. Yes we are now that paranoid. Then it happens. Ginny comes to the door and sheepishly says "Mom ... Someone is here to talk to you." Not again! I swear I didn't harbour any illegal reptiles, rodents, or animals of any kind. Sure enough, there at the my door is Benoit, our familiar town Peace Officer. Of course he has to make me even more paranoid by starting out with "The neighbour has an issue ...... An issue with a porcupine in their back yard and I was wondering if someone could assist me in capturing it." A big sigh of relief "Heck yah!' I said. Long and forgotten were the toads and any other thoughts of recurring offenses. I once again dawned my EMS jacket and my duty boots, this time aiding and abiding in transferring the neighbours fugitive pet .... with the LEGAL help of a Peace Officer ... Well ok .... He may have done all the work. I just held the flash light. All in An Ordinary Day of My Life.
Day 6 - An Ordinary Day in My Life
So now that I have your attention and you are familiar with our Toad situation and our near escape from being convicted of a criminal offence I can tell you about today. My day started at 05:00 - (hard to get up that early when you have done nothing but sleep for days because of a flu). 06:00 - En route to work I was stuck in a major traffic delay due to a train guard being stuck in the down position. 08:30 - One patient transfer out from Leduc and back, followed by 3 lift assists (allowing me to feel like a Firefighter again.) 15:30 - Pit stop after work at Costco. 16:30 - Ending with Hot drinks and a fine gentleman that I am proud to call my husband.
Ending is the key word. I finally get in the door hang up my jacket, and start putting the groceries away when a familiar blue and red light out the window catches my eye. I run upstairs to inconspicuously check out whats going on. Just as I look out the window I see someone pointing to our house. This is all too familiar and I immediately starting asking everyone what illegal activity THEY took part in. Ginny heads out to move the garbage can that was previously frozen to the end of the driveway thinking perhaps that was the issue. Yes we are now that paranoid. Then it happens. Ginny comes to the door and sheepishly says "Mom ... Someone is here to talk to you." Not again! I swear I didn't harbour any illegal reptiles, rodents, or animals of any kind. Sure enough, there at the my door is Benoit, our familiar town Peace Officer. Of course he has to make me even more paranoid by starting out with "The neighbour has an issue ...... An issue with a porcupine in their back yard and I was wondering if someone could assist me in capturing it." A big sigh of relief "Heck yah!' I said. Long and forgotten were the toads and any other thoughts of recurring offenses. I once again dawned my EMS jacket and my duty boots, this time aiding and abiding in transferring the neighbours fugitive pet .... with the LEGAL help of a Peace Officer ... Well ok .... He may have done all the work. I just held the flash light. All in An Ordinary Day of My Life.
Sep 18, 2015
Feeling Full!
I am a little behind on my blogging so I may jump around a bit in the next few posts but tonight as I turned off the t.v, took a look around at my kitchen that has recently had a deep clean, made my way through the entry way and up the stairs to our bedroom I felt ... Full. :) Proud in a sense. I love our home. I love the fire place on a cool fall evening. I love knowing that our hot tub on the deck is only a few steps away. I love going to bed with a freshly cleaned/organized house. I love waking up to an empty sink.
I remembered that I had opened Keegan's window today to let some fresh air in so when I went to close it I could hear the familiar sound of music coming from Malakai's room. :) Every night before bed he turns his christian music on very low so he can fall asleep to it. I don't know what has gotten into him in the last few months but before, he used to throw the biggest fit when you told him it was bed time. Lately he gets mad if you let time go by and forget to tell him to go to sleep. Now when you tell him its bed time, he listens right away and heads straight up to bed with no arguing.
As I turned off his music, I couldn't help but smile. There he was, all tucked up in the corner of his new bed.
As crazy as today started out, and with how uneasy I felt for the better part of the day. I ended on a very different not.
Tonight I have that genuine warm and fuzzy feeling. Tonight my heart feels full!
I remembered that I had opened Keegan's window today to let some fresh air in so when I went to close it I could hear the familiar sound of music coming from Malakai's room. :) Every night before bed he turns his christian music on very low so he can fall asleep to it. I don't know what has gotten into him in the last few months but before, he used to throw the biggest fit when you told him it was bed time. Lately he gets mad if you let time go by and forget to tell him to go to sleep. Now when you tell him its bed time, he listens right away and heads straight up to bed with no arguing.
As I turned off his music, I couldn't help but smile. There he was, all tucked up in the corner of his new bed.
As crazy as today started out, and with how uneasy I felt for the better part of the day. I ended on a very different not.
Tonight I have that genuine warm and fuzzy feeling. Tonight my heart feels full!
Jun 5, 2015
16 years
16 years ago today you came into this world standing tall! No really! 16 years ago at this exact time I was laying in a hospital bed, beginning the first stages of labour. My water had broken at home, noting our cue to head to the hospital. To our surprise and horror, the doctor soon realized that you were not about to follow the rules of being born and you decided that you were going to come out feet first instead of head first. This makes me laugh right now because with your personality it doesn't surprise me. There is no way you would dive into anything head first. You have been a cautious boy since the day you were born. It was such a struggle dealing with your fears and your worries as you were younger. Sometimes it still is, but those fears and worries have made you think things over carefully and they have given you strength in the decisions that you make. You are very strong willed young man. When you want something you go for it. You have a tender heart and you like to hold emotions in so no one can see how much you really are hurting. It took me 14 years to really see that. The day your Opa moved to heaven was the hardest time for you and it broke my heart to see you weep as hard as you did. I want to you to always remember ... It's ok to cry. It's ok to show that you are hurt. Never let go of your tender heart, it's what gives you compassion.
When you were only 15 months old you quickly became interested in insects. It came to point that you were always out searching for insects. Soon ants became your passion. To this day, I have no idea how these ants will come to play in your future but for 15 years we have watched you develop an understanding and research these creatures so much that you are actually able to breed them. This to me is crazy. Your sense of adventure is lacking but your wisdom to research everything is crazy. Keep searching, gaining knowledge is what will help you get by in your life as an adult.
I am proud of you for standing tall in what you believe. I am proud of you for not touching alcohol, or cigarettes. I am proud of you for following our rules about dating. You are an amazing young man.
Keegan, let me share something with you. 16 years ago we stood in front of the church and dedicated you to the Lord. We promised God that we would raise you in a home where Gods name would be spoken regularly, a home where we would go to church as a family and feed you spiritually. We pray that we have done our part well enough that you will have the foundation that you need to move on into adult hood. You are going to fail. There will come a point in your life where you will make a bad choice, or do something terribly wrong. Remember in that time. GOD WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!! WE will ALWAYS love you! Remember to ask for forgiveness for your mistakes. Remember to keep God close to your side. The world may crumble around you. Your friends may leave you, and your family may not understand you but God created you the way you were meant to be. He has a purpose for you, and he will NEVER leave you.
On the very day that you were dedicated, our pastor wrote you a letter that was to be opened on your 16th birthday. I kept that letter safe for 16 years. I never opened it once. To sit with you this morning and open that letter and read the words that were carefully thought out for you brings tears to my eyes. I can't imagine what the world might be like for your child. I can't imagine the things that your child might have to endure or see. I pray that you will be a good father like your father has been to you. I pray that you will be the spiritual leader in your family. I pray that God will be the foundation of your life.
Hang on tight my boy!! We have many more birthdays to go.
Love, Mom
When you were only 15 months old you quickly became interested in insects. It came to point that you were always out searching for insects. Soon ants became your passion. To this day, I have no idea how these ants will come to play in your future but for 15 years we have watched you develop an understanding and research these creatures so much that you are actually able to breed them. This to me is crazy. Your sense of adventure is lacking but your wisdom to research everything is crazy. Keep searching, gaining knowledge is what will help you get by in your life as an adult.
I am proud of you for standing tall in what you believe. I am proud of you for not touching alcohol, or cigarettes. I am proud of you for following our rules about dating. You are an amazing young man.
Keegan, let me share something with you. 16 years ago we stood in front of the church and dedicated you to the Lord. We promised God that we would raise you in a home where Gods name would be spoken regularly, a home where we would go to church as a family and feed you spiritually. We pray that we have done our part well enough that you will have the foundation that you need to move on into adult hood. You are going to fail. There will come a point in your life where you will make a bad choice, or do something terribly wrong. Remember in that time. GOD WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!! WE will ALWAYS love you! Remember to ask for forgiveness for your mistakes. Remember to keep God close to your side. The world may crumble around you. Your friends may leave you, and your family may not understand you but God created you the way you were meant to be. He has a purpose for you, and he will NEVER leave you.
On the very day that you were dedicated, our pastor wrote you a letter that was to be opened on your 16th birthday. I kept that letter safe for 16 years. I never opened it once. To sit with you this morning and open that letter and read the words that were carefully thought out for you brings tears to my eyes. I can't imagine what the world might be like for your child. I can't imagine the things that your child might have to endure or see. I pray that you will be a good father like your father has been to you. I pray that you will be the spiritual leader in your family. I pray that God will be the foundation of your life.
Hang on tight my boy!! We have many more birthdays to go.
Love, Mom
Jun 4, 2015
Heaven is my home
Yesterday was my last day of my mentorship. This is both exciting and scary. :) They have full confidence that I will do fine ... Now its my turn to believe them. Yesterday was a good mix of everything so I am grateful to get a taste of it all.
A big part of my job is keeping everything confidential so for the sake of privacy I will call my patient Journey. what I am about to share will not have details but it touched my heart deeply.
Our call was to a hospital to transfer Journey home to palliative care. As we entered the room I noticed that Journey had a family member there and their was a bible at the foot of the bed. Journey was very soft spoken and weak. It was clear that Journey lived a long life, and I wonder now what difficulties they may have had to endure or watch in the course of their lifetime.
Our job of course was to provide as much comfort as we could. Journey immediately held onto my hand with a surprisingly strong grip and didn't want to let go. Our transfer was quiet and little words were exchanged. When we arrived and got Journey settled, the grip once again returned. "I am going home Journey said." I heard the words clear as day but for some reason I needed to hear them again to be sure. "You are home" I said. "No, I am going HOME!" Journey exclaimed. It was then that Journey pointed up to heaven. "I am going home ... to heaven." Journey announced. I smiled. I knew then that my intuitions were correct. Journey was a believer and knew that there was a better place to be after this.
Now, the unspoken/spoken rule of the normal workplace is that you are not allowed to share your faith with fellow employees, customers etc. They have every right to complain about you and your job could potentially be on the line. In this situation I felt it was fair to say something since it was the patient who brought it up and we obviously we share the same faith.
I leaned close to Journey's ear and whispered "Jesus Loves You!" Journey broke out into a huge smile, and with a nod of the head said ... "Jesus Loves You too my dear." The dams of water immediately began to fill and I was on a mission to hold them back. :) I assured Journey that I would pray for comfort throughout the wait. I told Journey that my mom and dad were in heaven and with an even larger smile Journey said "Oh my dear ... My mom and dad are in heaven as well." I told Journey that "I bet knowing you get to see your parents again after all this time is the best thing ever." Journey smiled again and with a slow nod of the head agreed. "it sure is!!!" said Journey.
Our little conversation only took minutes but as I look back today, it feels like hours. I wish that I could have stayed and learned the story behind Journey's life. I will have no idea of how long Journey will remain in that bed but I have great confidence that a very special journey to heaven has begun.
A big part of my job is keeping everything confidential so for the sake of privacy I will call my patient Journey. what I am about to share will not have details but it touched my heart deeply.
Our call was to a hospital to transfer Journey home to palliative care. As we entered the room I noticed that Journey had a family member there and their was a bible at the foot of the bed. Journey was very soft spoken and weak. It was clear that Journey lived a long life, and I wonder now what difficulties they may have had to endure or watch in the course of their lifetime.
Our job of course was to provide as much comfort as we could. Journey immediately held onto my hand with a surprisingly strong grip and didn't want to let go. Our transfer was quiet and little words were exchanged. When we arrived and got Journey settled, the grip once again returned. "I am going home Journey said." I heard the words clear as day but for some reason I needed to hear them again to be sure. "You are home" I said. "No, I am going HOME!" Journey exclaimed. It was then that Journey pointed up to heaven. "I am going home ... to heaven." Journey announced. I smiled. I knew then that my intuitions were correct. Journey was a believer and knew that there was a better place to be after this.
Now, the unspoken/spoken rule of the normal workplace is that you are not allowed to share your faith with fellow employees, customers etc. They have every right to complain about you and your job could potentially be on the line. In this situation I felt it was fair to say something since it was the patient who brought it up and we obviously we share the same faith.
I leaned close to Journey's ear and whispered "Jesus Loves You!" Journey broke out into a huge smile, and with a nod of the head said ... "Jesus Loves You too my dear." The dams of water immediately began to fill and I was on a mission to hold them back. :) I assured Journey that I would pray for comfort throughout the wait. I told Journey that my mom and dad were in heaven and with an even larger smile Journey said "Oh my dear ... My mom and dad are in heaven as well." I told Journey that "I bet knowing you get to see your parents again after all this time is the best thing ever." Journey smiled again and with a slow nod of the head agreed. "it sure is!!!" said Journey.
Our little conversation only took minutes but as I look back today, it feels like hours. I wish that I could have stayed and learned the story behind Journey's life. I will have no idea of how long Journey will remain in that bed but I have great confidence that a very special journey to heaven has begun.
Jun 2, 2015
Taking a moment
Three twelve hour shifts in a row. Nothing makes getting up at 4:30 an easier. The scenery sure helps though.
I snapped a picture of the sunrise on my way to work today. A beautiful golden field with red barns and rolling hills. The flaming red sky behind. The picture didn't do it justice at all. It made me think of heaven ... Perhaps the reason heaven is left to our imagination is because a picture wouldn't do it justice.
As I rounded the corner with the sunrise in front of me, I glanced in my rearview mirror and noticed a rainbow behind me. A rare beauty to see at once.
After transferring an individual today I was disheartened to see how a nurse could be so uncaring. Soon after, I ran into the man who encouraged me to follow my dreams a year and a half ago when I travelled with my own father in the back of an ambulance on his way for tests. Dan reminded me that some nurses may be callous and uncaring but I chose this job to be those individuals exact opposite. I chose to be the light to those who need it the most.
I snapped a picture of the sunrise on my way to work today. A beautiful golden field with red barns and rolling hills. The flaming red sky behind. The picture didn't do it justice at all. It made me think of heaven ... Perhaps the reason heaven is left to our imagination is because a picture wouldn't do it justice.
As I rounded the corner with the sunrise in front of me, I glanced in my rearview mirror and noticed a rainbow behind me. A rare beauty to see at once.
After transferring an individual today I was disheartened to see how a nurse could be so uncaring. Soon after, I ran into the man who encouraged me to follow my dreams a year and a half ago when I travelled with my own father in the back of an ambulance on his way for tests. Dan reminded me that some nurses may be callous and uncaring but I chose this job to be those individuals exact opposite. I chose to be the light to those who need it the most.
One more thing to LOVE
Six years ago ... My first born turned 9 years old and I was taking the biggest leap of my life. My baby wasn't even in Kindergarten and I was no longer going to be his daily playmate. My life as a stay at home mom was ending and for the first time in my life I was embarking on an actual CAREER! Back then ... My world was small. I was excited with serving as a church secretary, being the go to person, the voice on the other end of the phone. I had no experience at all, yet by the grace of God I was given an opportunity. Overnight I became a book keeper, and a secretary, and I loved it!
Fast forward to six years later and as I reflect back to what I have accomplished, what I have achieved, and what I have become, I can't help but smile. Had someone told me then that in two years I would be jumping into a farm truck and driving to Lesser Slave Lake to serve others and stay in a hotel by myself I would have shook my head and said "Heck No!" The day I volunteered to help Samaritans Purse I was filled with uncertainty and fear but the people I met, the time I spent and the things I did made me love it! If you had told me that eventually I would stand by my husbands side on a volunteer fire department (running into a house fire instead of going out) I would have laughed at you. I will always remember the thrill I got when that pager went off. The house so hot that the coffee on the table was bubbling, and holding the hand of a man that was seriously broken in pieces. The good and the bad ... I loved it. If someone would have told me that in just 4 short years I would be saying goodbye to my mom, and then my dad ... I would have pulled the covers over my head and refused to let another day go by. Yet, by grace again, I made it through. I cherished the moments I spent with both of them as I cared for them, curled up in the hospital bed watching tv with them, or reading to them. Those were tough moments but I loved them. Now, had you, or anyone I know told me all of this, and then told me that I would become an EMR and work for the city of Edmonton. I would have asked an E - M what?
Like I said, my world was small. It didn't include logistic rooms, fire trucks, hoses, and blood. To me those things were impossible. Fortunately my plans are not up to me. Of course I could stay as an admin assistant until I retire. Being safe, working at a desk, within driving distance to my kids when they need me, being home each week night to have supper with my family. If I did though ... I wouldn't love it. The day I chose to follow God is the day I chose to follow his plan for my life. Its not easy and its not like I have a crystal ball, knowing which path to take and when to just sit idle. Its the people that have been put in my life, the ones that show me grace when I fail, the ones that listen when I struggle, the ones that hold me dear to their heart, lifting me up when I am weak. Its the people that I have worked with along that way that have inspired me, taught me, helped me, and encouraged me. Its the events that happen ... All this is a plan, my plan that I have no clue about, but that I trust I am not alone in.
So, as I take the pictures off my wall, as I strip the name plate off my door, and as I close the door to everything familiar and what once was ... I step into a new world ... A much larger one, with new beginnings, new fears, new unknowns. I am scared! I will fail! I will succeed! I am excited, and I LOVE IT!!!
I believe we get more than just one thing to love, and one day something will click and you will know you found it. I have to believe that.
Fast forward to six years later and as I reflect back to what I have accomplished, what I have achieved, and what I have become, I can't help but smile. Had someone told me then that in two years I would be jumping into a farm truck and driving to Lesser Slave Lake to serve others and stay in a hotel by myself I would have shook my head and said "Heck No!" The day I volunteered to help Samaritans Purse I was filled with uncertainty and fear but the people I met, the time I spent and the things I did made me love it! If you had told me that eventually I would stand by my husbands side on a volunteer fire department (running into a house fire instead of going out) I would have laughed at you. I will always remember the thrill I got when that pager went off. The house so hot that the coffee on the table was bubbling, and holding the hand of a man that was seriously broken in pieces. The good and the bad ... I loved it. If someone would have told me that in just 4 short years I would be saying goodbye to my mom, and then my dad ... I would have pulled the covers over my head and refused to let another day go by. Yet, by grace again, I made it through. I cherished the moments I spent with both of them as I cared for them, curled up in the hospital bed watching tv with them, or reading to them. Those were tough moments but I loved them. Now, had you, or anyone I know told me all of this, and then told me that I would become an EMR and work for the city of Edmonton. I would have asked an E - M what?
Like I said, my world was small. It didn't include logistic rooms, fire trucks, hoses, and blood. To me those things were impossible. Fortunately my plans are not up to me. Of course I could stay as an admin assistant until I retire. Being safe, working at a desk, within driving distance to my kids when they need me, being home each week night to have supper with my family. If I did though ... I wouldn't love it. The day I chose to follow God is the day I chose to follow his plan for my life. Its not easy and its not like I have a crystal ball, knowing which path to take and when to just sit idle. Its the people that have been put in my life, the ones that show me grace when I fail, the ones that listen when I struggle, the ones that hold me dear to their heart, lifting me up when I am weak. Its the people that I have worked with along that way that have inspired me, taught me, helped me, and encouraged me. Its the events that happen ... All this is a plan, my plan that I have no clue about, but that I trust I am not alone in.
So, as I take the pictures off my wall, as I strip the name plate off my door, and as I close the door to everything familiar and what once was ... I step into a new world ... A much larger one, with new beginnings, new fears, new unknowns. I am scared! I will fail! I will succeed! I am excited, and I LOVE IT!!!
I believe we get more than just one thing to love, and one day something will click and you will know you found it. I have to believe that.
Feb 3, 2015
Today I am flying!!!
Those who know me well, know that in the last two years I have cried more tears than I have in my entire 37 years. I have pushed myself beyond limits that I didn't even know existed. I have faced many fears, and have changed entirely. I have laughed so hard that I couldn't catch my breath, and I have hurt so bad that I have felt as though someone were ripping my heart out.
All these emotions and roller coasters have left scars on my general appearance and my health but on the inside they have made me stronger. I have had some amazing friends take my hand and quite literally hold me up when I just couldn't go any further but in it all I have learned that when the ones you care most about are gone forever, God will always remain and he is there to pick up the pieces. He knows far more about me than I will ever understand. He brought those friends into my life when I needed them the most.
I couldn't have done it without them. So many times I wanted to give up, so many times I had no faith in myself but each and every time God was working through someone cheering me on, giving me the strength I needed, telling me I could do it.
The last three years have been an uphill battle, one right after the other. I know the battle is still going on but today with the biggest achievement of my EMR Provincial marks coming in, I am flying.
All these emotions and roller coasters have left scars on my general appearance and my health but on the inside they have made me stronger. I have had some amazing friends take my hand and quite literally hold me up when I just couldn't go any further but in it all I have learned that when the ones you care most about are gone forever, God will always remain and he is there to pick up the pieces. He knows far more about me than I will ever understand. He brought those friends into my life when I needed them the most.
I couldn't have done it without them. So many times I wanted to give up, so many times I had no faith in myself but each and every time God was working through someone cheering me on, giving me the strength I needed, telling me I could do it.
The last three years have been an uphill battle, one right after the other. I know the battle is still going on but today with the biggest achievement of my EMR Provincial marks coming in, I am flying.
Dec 24, 2014
I swear officer, we are an honest family!!!
Anyone who knows our Keegan knows his LOVE for insects and animals. After 14 years of his passion it can be overwhelming at times. Take 4 months ago for instance ... All the Anderson kids and their cousins were on holidays, rounding up slugs, larva, dragon flies, and yes even large toads. It was entertaining to say the least and it was something that even I did as a child. Keegan however can never part with his "friends" and always wants to invite them home. Even after explaining that they can't be let go in our eco system and on and on and on ... He still insisted that he could provide a nice home for his new toads. Let the record stand right now that I plain out said NO! I don't have a problem being the bad COP in the family, after all ... I know it will save me heart ache and frustration in the end. Well, fast forward to this fall. Keegan (the owner of two BC toads) started grade 9 in a new school with a teacher who was just as passionate about the eco system and the animals that it contained. Unfortunately he is a little extreme and told Keegan that he can NEVER, EVER let the toads go. Ever was a hard word for us. Especially since with all the windows being shut now, those darn toads were really beginning to stink. And, unfortunately Keegan's heart was taken by a new little lizard friend in the pet store. So, like most moms out there I set forth a plan. We would buy the lizard and hide him in our closet while PLAN A - We try to give our toads away or PLAN B - If no one takes them by Christmas we can send them back to their original home with Aunty Corey. Should have just gone with plan B. So I (not Blaine but ME) put an ad on Kijji, explaining that they can not be let go. It was a long shot anyways and no one responded so I (once again, just me) decided to go with PLAN B but forgot to delete the ad. Well yesterday (the night before Christmas Eve) Here I was ... At work, working with gmail when I noticed on my gmail account a reply to my ad. First thought ... Oh shoot, I forgot to delete that ad. Then I notice my reply was from a Fish and Wildlife officer - Tammy, can you please call me? Second thought ... Are you stinking kidding me? I know they are from another province but seriously???? I reply ... " It's all good, they are going back to their original home the day after boxing day." And I carry on with work. 10 minutes later ... a second email "Tammy, please call me." Third thought .. Oh my goodness. Am I in trouble? I have five minutes left of work. I will go home, explain this whole thing to Blaine and then get him to call. :) So I packed up from work, shut everything down loaded my two work kids in the truck and we headed home. Just as I rounded the bend into our cul de sac I noticed THE TRUCK! A Fish and Wildlife truck to be exact. "Just stay in the truck!" I tell the kids. I walk inside and Blaine is cooking supper while Keegan is sitting at the table, glued to his lap top with his earphones on." "Does no one notice the the Fish and Wildlife truck outside?" I ask. "Yep", Blaine says. "He came to the door and asked if we had toads from BC here. I told him yes and he asked what species they were. I told him I had no clue so he took them to his truck and is looking them up now." Moments later the officer returns and proceeds to tell us that collecting ANY animals in ANY province is an offence. Bringing them across to another province is another offence and since Keegan is under age we are responsible for his actions therefore held accountable for these offences. I was honestly waiting for the handcuffs to come out. And ... Apparently not knowing any better is not an excuse in the court of law. Instead of giving us fines of up to $5,000.00 and charging both of us we were handed 2 warning tickets and our names were added "to the system." So, the officer took with him two toads and gently closed the door. The minute that door closed we had anger, we had embarrassment, we had sorrow, we had every kind of tear you can imagine. Not just from one child either but from all of us. The only way to salvage the evening was to take Keegan into our closet and unveil the hidden lizard Christmas present. Lessons learned? I think so. 1. NEVER say yes to new friends, especially foreign ones. and 2. Big Brother is the real deal. All I had on that ad was my postal code and my name.
I still can't believe all of that over 2 toads. Can you imagine if he would have asked to search the house and found a lizard in our closet. We would have really looked suspicious. Oh the joys you bring to our lives dear Keegan. :)
I still can't believe all of that over 2 toads. Can you imagine if he would have asked to search the house and found a lizard in our closet. We would have really looked suspicious. Oh the joys you bring to our lives dear Keegan. :)
Jun 13, 2014
Jesus isn't done with you!!
Yesterday you had one of your fits. Your frustrating moments when everyone and anyone is making you mad. Usually its your house, your parents, your teachers, your siblings, you are always done with someone. Yesterday you spouted off and then got really quite and said "you know what? I am done with Jesus." I asked you why you would say that and like usual it came back to school. Jesus put you in that school and gave you those teachers who give you lots of homework. Off to school you went, all huffing and in tears. Nothing anyone ever says can make it better, you just have to cool down on your own.
Well after school you called me and asked if you could cut the grass and weed whack the weeds. When we got home you asked if we could give you some change to go to the store with Jet. When you came back you so proudly told us that you gave the rest of your change to a homeless woman. I tried to picture a homeless woman in Devon and thought for sure you were scammed but from the details you and Jet were telling me I am most certain that you weren't mistaken and that you were actually approached by a homeless woman. When it was time for bed I pulled out the book about heaven that Nana bought for us and read it to you. After we were done you told me you wanted to bring it to school and see if the teacher would read it to the class so they could learn about heaven as well.
This morning as I was taking my walk a thought popped into my head. The thought brought a smile to my face and actually made me laugh out loud. My sweet Malakai ... You may be done with Jesus but Jesus isn't done with you. :)
Well after school you called me and asked if you could cut the grass and weed whack the weeds. When we got home you asked if we could give you some change to go to the store with Jet. When you came back you so proudly told us that you gave the rest of your change to a homeless woman. I tried to picture a homeless woman in Devon and thought for sure you were scammed but from the details you and Jet were telling me I am most certain that you weren't mistaken and that you were actually approached by a homeless woman. When it was time for bed I pulled out the book about heaven that Nana bought for us and read it to you. After we were done you told me you wanted to bring it to school and see if the teacher would read it to the class so they could learn about heaven as well.
This morning as I was taking my walk a thought popped into my head. The thought brought a smile to my face and actually made me laugh out loud. My sweet Malakai ... You may be done with Jesus but Jesus isn't done with you. :)
Jun 4, 2014
Happy 15th Birthday
Hey Kiddo;
In just a few short hours you will be 15. 15!!! Can you believe that? It is so hard to believe that in 3 years you will be an adult. Wow how the time fly's by. The other day I read something that someone had posted on Facebook about raising teenagers. It talked about how us as parents should take the time to do all these great things with you so that you will turn out awesome.
There is no secret that you and I have had our differences this past year. I think our biggest challenge is that we are so much alike that we tend to get on each others nerves. We are both not morning people. Ginny comes upstairs all bubbly and wants to know how we slept, dad comes downstairs whistling away, while you and I both need silence. Sometimes their happy is too loud. :) Just like me you love to tease but sometimes you tease to rough or someone takes your teasing the wrong way. We have tender hearts but boy can we let others know when we are not impressed.
Anyways, after reading that article my heart ached a little. I felt like for some reason I failed you but then no sooner did I think that when you came upstairs, laughing hystarically because you called some kid Salmon when his name was Solomon. Lately you have been cracking these little harmless insults that show you are just trying to tease us. Your freakishly passion for ants has finally turned into something interesting. You have such a passion to become an enterpernour. You are always looking to make something that will sell big. :) I am so proud of you.
I love how dating is not your number one concern. I love how when family tempts you to try things that you shouldn't you stand firm and say no. I love how have your own sense of style. I especially love how I shared that exact same style when I was your age but you think of us as old. :) I love your crackling voice and your laughter. I love how you always want your sister or brother by your side. I love how as much as you hate our rules, you will still abide by them.
I guess what I am trying to say is although I sometimes feel like I am failing with you, all I have to do step away and look through the window at the man you are becoming. You will struggle and I will have to let you fall but I will always be there to pick you up and pat you on back. You are finding your own wings and learning to fly. Always remember how important God is to our family. Always remember that we are there for you no matter what. Always know that we will be here every step of the way until you spread your wings and soar. Happy Birthday son.
Love you buddy.
XOXOX
Mom
In just a few short hours you will be 15. 15!!! Can you believe that? It is so hard to believe that in 3 years you will be an adult. Wow how the time fly's by. The other day I read something that someone had posted on Facebook about raising teenagers. It talked about how us as parents should take the time to do all these great things with you so that you will turn out awesome.
There is no secret that you and I have had our differences this past year. I think our biggest challenge is that we are so much alike that we tend to get on each others nerves. We are both not morning people. Ginny comes upstairs all bubbly and wants to know how we slept, dad comes downstairs whistling away, while you and I both need silence. Sometimes their happy is too loud. :) Just like me you love to tease but sometimes you tease to rough or someone takes your teasing the wrong way. We have tender hearts but boy can we let others know when we are not impressed.
Anyways, after reading that article my heart ached a little. I felt like for some reason I failed you but then no sooner did I think that when you came upstairs, laughing hystarically because you called some kid Salmon when his name was Solomon. Lately you have been cracking these little harmless insults that show you are just trying to tease us. Your freakishly passion for ants has finally turned into something interesting. You have such a passion to become an enterpernour. You are always looking to make something that will sell big. :) I am so proud of you.
I love how dating is not your number one concern. I love how when family tempts you to try things that you shouldn't you stand firm and say no. I love how have your own sense of style. I especially love how I shared that exact same style when I was your age but you think of us as old. :) I love your crackling voice and your laughter. I love how you always want your sister or brother by your side. I love how as much as you hate our rules, you will still abide by them.
I guess what I am trying to say is although I sometimes feel like I am failing with you, all I have to do step away and look through the window at the man you are becoming. You will struggle and I will have to let you fall but I will always be there to pick you up and pat you on back. You are finding your own wings and learning to fly. Always remember how important God is to our family. Always remember that we are there for you no matter what. Always know that we will be here every step of the way until you spread your wings and soar. Happy Birthday son.
Love you buddy.
XOXOX
Mom
May 24, 2014
I can't get you off of my mind
I thought of you a lot this weekend...
I pictured you up there, on your belcony, at Discovery Place watching the fireworks.
I saw you in every senior who I served a pancake to. I could hear your voice telling me to not be stingy and give them more.
I saw you sitting in the crowd on lawn chairs as I drove the fire truck and waved to the many familiar faces in the parade.
I felt your smile as I sat with a patient, waiting till the ambulance came.
I saw you sitting in your chair, looking out the window as I listened to the birds sing their glorious song.
I rememberd you in your last days ...
I can't help but miss curling up on the end of your hospital bed, watching t.v while you slept.
I wish I could feel you squeeze my hand and hear you call me your Shatzee.
If I close my eyes and think hard enough, it's as though I can feel you run your hands through my hair.
My heart feels this deep, throbbing ache for you tonight. For your words of comfort and wisdom, for your smile, for your love.
I miss you both like the flowers miss the rain ... like the birds miss the spring.
I pictured you up there, on your belcony, at Discovery Place watching the fireworks.
I saw you in every senior who I served a pancake to. I could hear your voice telling me to not be stingy and give them more.
I saw you sitting in the crowd on lawn chairs as I drove the fire truck and waved to the many familiar faces in the parade.
I felt your smile as I sat with a patient, waiting till the ambulance came.
I saw you sitting in your chair, looking out the window as I listened to the birds sing their glorious song.
I rememberd you in your last days ...
I can't help but miss curling up on the end of your hospital bed, watching t.v while you slept.
I wish I could feel you squeeze my hand and hear you call me your Shatzee.
If I close my eyes and think hard enough, it's as though I can feel you run your hands through my hair.
My heart feels this deep, throbbing ache for you tonight. For your words of comfort and wisdom, for your smile, for your love.
I miss you both like the flowers miss the rain ... like the birds miss the spring.
May 4, 2014
More than words
So last night after writing my blog I was kind of teary eyed when Blaine came to bed. I told him I didn't want him to cuddle me because then it would make me cry more. Well that failed because just by talking to him emotions started to surface.
Now, I have always loved songs for their lyrics and the one thing I love about Blaine is when he sings to me. Without any warning at all he pulls me close, wraps me in his arms, holds me for awhile and then starts to sing "More than words". It was so special. I loved every moment of it.
Of course when he sings to me it almost never fails that he soon adds his own lyrics. Earlier in the day the conversation was about us both feeling chubby with the stress weight that we have put on, so the so g soon had lyrics like "so get the pop and chips, cause more than food is all your ever need to give to make it real."
I love that man.
Now, I have always loved songs for their lyrics and the one thing I love about Blaine is when he sings to me. Without any warning at all he pulls me close, wraps me in his arms, holds me for awhile and then starts to sing "More than words". It was so special. I loved every moment of it.
Of course when he sings to me it almost never fails that he soon adds his own lyrics. Earlier in the day the conversation was about us both feeling chubby with the stress weight that we have put on, so the so g soon had lyrics like "so get the pop and chips, cause more than food is all your ever need to give to make it real."
I love that man.
Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
A love so deep
There have been so many times that I have wanted to journal something exciting, something sad, or even something funny but another "something" always holds me back. If I continued on like it never happened there would always be a hole ... That missing entry. Funny how there will always be a hole regardless of me writing about it or not. Not many carry on with blogs anymore. Life has moved on to newer, faster paced ways of keeping up but I continue on writing mainly for my children. I want to leave a legacy where they can always look back and remember me, know me and see my passions and my heart. So, that being said Here is my attempt at making sure there is no hole....
When I was younger I knew my mom was sick. I knew her heart was weak but every surgery she went for I would see the calmness in her face, hear the trust in faith and just know that it would be alright. I remember doing the math though. I remember thinking that not many people make it until they are 100 so technically my mom would have to leave me by the time I was at least 45. Then of course my heart would race a little as the thought of it happening sooner would scare me. When I had our precious baby girl and mom got sicker I did the math again wondering how long she would get to enjoy her grandchildren. Never once did I thoroughly understand how it would feel if she were to find her forever home when I was 35. Never once did I ever think that my dad would soon follow.
My dad was always so strong in my eyes. He built our house with his own two hands. There were no huge tractors or cranes found working in our yard. I think the biggest piece of equipment I ever saw was a small cement machine that kept circulating while my dad hauled wheel barrow by wheel barrow of cement, creating our basement. I loved to go to work with him. The two of us were always found hand in hand, or side by side. He was a quiet man who would often not talk to you for days if you made him mad enough. He loved to give generously and graciously. He had an adventurous spirit and enjoyed hiking on Sunday afternoons or climbing a mountain at quarter to midnight to watch a meteor shower. He taught me to be brave. I loved to see him pinch my mom lightly on the bum and make her holler with a smile on her face. He loved to tease. As I grew older and and our kids began to grow older I missed our close relationship but I loved to see him with the kids. He built Keegan a little "bug" house that he could go sit in and play with his bugs. Dad would drive mom nuts for when she always said NO! He always said YES! He was my Shatze (Treasure) through and through.
On March 28, only one year and 7 days after my mom passed away my dad couldn't help but say goodbye as well. Mom always said "If I go first, I just know he will die of a broken heart." Dad was sick but I think the sickness only made it easier to say goodbye and be reunited once again with the love of his life. It is so different to grieve the loss of another parent, so close to the other but I do believe that I have been grieving them both the day my mom slipped away. I treasure the fact that I was able to be with them both as they closed their eyes for the very last time. It broke my heart to be left without them but it brought such peace to know that in that instant they were far better off.
I am at peace now, more than I was this time a year ago. I look forward to happy days spent camping in the summer with the kids. I am enjoying this short time of fresh air as my job for caring for my parents has now finished ... But oh how I miss them both. I miss the assisted living apartment that they called home for only a short while, and as silly as it sounds, I miss going to the hospital to visit them. I find a deep urge to pick up the phone and call them on my lunch break, and my mind is constantly playing back memories like a slide show full of life.
There will forever be a hole in my heart where the missing pieces remain in heaven but as time goes by a soft layer of comfort will begin to stitch over that hole. The loss will remain deep inside but with healing, it will someday be only a simple reminder of a love being so deep it couldn't keep two people apart.
When I was younger I knew my mom was sick. I knew her heart was weak but every surgery she went for I would see the calmness in her face, hear the trust in faith and just know that it would be alright. I remember doing the math though. I remember thinking that not many people make it until they are 100 so technically my mom would have to leave me by the time I was at least 45. Then of course my heart would race a little as the thought of it happening sooner would scare me. When I had our precious baby girl and mom got sicker I did the math again wondering how long she would get to enjoy her grandchildren. Never once did I thoroughly understand how it would feel if she were to find her forever home when I was 35. Never once did I ever think that my dad would soon follow.
My dad was always so strong in my eyes. He built our house with his own two hands. There were no huge tractors or cranes found working in our yard. I think the biggest piece of equipment I ever saw was a small cement machine that kept circulating while my dad hauled wheel barrow by wheel barrow of cement, creating our basement. I loved to go to work with him. The two of us were always found hand in hand, or side by side. He was a quiet man who would often not talk to you for days if you made him mad enough. He loved to give generously and graciously. He had an adventurous spirit and enjoyed hiking on Sunday afternoons or climbing a mountain at quarter to midnight to watch a meteor shower. He taught me to be brave. I loved to see him pinch my mom lightly on the bum and make her holler with a smile on her face. He loved to tease. As I grew older and and our kids began to grow older I missed our close relationship but I loved to see him with the kids. He built Keegan a little "bug" house that he could go sit in and play with his bugs. Dad would drive mom nuts for when she always said NO! He always said YES! He was my Shatze (Treasure) through and through.
On March 28, only one year and 7 days after my mom passed away my dad couldn't help but say goodbye as well. Mom always said "If I go first, I just know he will die of a broken heart." Dad was sick but I think the sickness only made it easier to say goodbye and be reunited once again with the love of his life. It is so different to grieve the loss of another parent, so close to the other but I do believe that I have been grieving them both the day my mom slipped away. I treasure the fact that I was able to be with them both as they closed their eyes for the very last time. It broke my heart to be left without them but it brought such peace to know that in that instant they were far better off.
I am at peace now, more than I was this time a year ago. I look forward to happy days spent camping in the summer with the kids. I am enjoying this short time of fresh air as my job for caring for my parents has now finished ... But oh how I miss them both. I miss the assisted living apartment that they called home for only a short while, and as silly as it sounds, I miss going to the hospital to visit them. I find a deep urge to pick up the phone and call them on my lunch break, and my mind is constantly playing back memories like a slide show full of life.
There will forever be a hole in my heart where the missing pieces remain in heaven but as time goes by a soft layer of comfort will begin to stitch over that hole. The loss will remain deep inside but with healing, it will someday be only a simple reminder of a love being so deep it couldn't keep two people apart.
Mar 19, 2014
Humble Pie
Unfortunately parent teacher interviews and report cards are never the highlight of our year. This time as I sat in the little circle of the gym with teachers all around me I felt like a failure as a mother. Missed assignments, poor exam marks and a lack of participation were the ingredients to very poor marks. Of course it has to be our fault because for the last two years of interviews all we have heard are how pleasant our kids are and how they always have a smile on their face. Why that smile is saved for the outside world and not us is beyond my understanding. Parent by parent made their way up to these teachers with smiles on their faces and laughter in their voices. I wanted to explain myself. I wanted to have a reason why our children don't have awesome marks. I wanted to ask them if they had a yelling match with their kids before they left for these interviews. I wanted to share all the reasons why my child was struggling and why I just couldn't find the time night after night to explain what should have been explained in the classroom. I wanted to get angry with the teachers, having someone to blame expecting more from them just like I expect more from my children. I thought of pulling my kids out of school then and there and telling them we were done for the year. But then what good would that do? We would only end up worse off than we are now. So one by one I watched and waited. Its a silly process, having interviews with your child out there in the open. The whole school system is stressing me out with all the changes that are taking place. I fear for my children as they struggle right now. I have prayed often that we would make the right choices for our children when it comes to school but I have often felt like my prayers were not being answered. What will happen to them in the next few years when the changes really begin to happen? They are so far ahead that they will be extremely effected. I couldn't handle it anymore. I had to get out of that fish bowl. Finally it was our turn. I put up my front and braced myself to be strong and firm. From the moment we sat down I knew that something was different. This time the teacher was holding our child accountable. It was as though she were sitting in our living room listening to our feisty child express their feelings prior to the interview. This teacher explained how we are a team and right now it may seem like its all about rules and regulations but the real truth is that our child should feel lucky to have parents like us. They should be glad that we care enough to show up to these interviews and to make sure that they have their homework done. They should know that our harping of being organized and responsible is only stepping stones to better their future. Shortly after that we met with another teacher who greeted us by extending their hand and formally introducing themselves. My initial thoughts on this teacher were wrong and I was sincerely, inwardly apologetic. Once again our child was held accountable. They were called out for the smirk they were wearing on their face. It was no longer seen as a happy smile but a smirk that showed that they knew that the teacher was right. That the behaviour shown at school was nothing like the behaviour at home and that this behaviour was uncalled for. This teacher explained something that we have always told our children. A teachers job is to teach in the classroom and to make sure the student understands. A parents job is to go to work, and make a living to provide a safe environment for our family. The students job is to go to school and learn. Of course coming from a teacher rather than a parent makes it a whole lot easier to understand. This teacher held our child accountable with a contract that was signed by all four of us with goals that had to be met by the end of June. The last time I heard or experienced anything like that was when I was in grade school and my principal threatened to strap me because I cheated on my school work. I was not expected to see these teachers join us and stand with us. My prayers felt answered and I felt like I was not as alone as I had initially thought I was. I was basically served a large slice of humble pie.
Mar 4, 2014
Some day!
There will be some days in our lives where we will hit road bumps, quicksand, hurricanes and many other natural disasters (metaphorically speaking). There will be some days when things are going absolutely amazing and it seems as though the sun is rising only moments after it set and then there are times when the darkness just never seems to go away.
I got a text from a friend the other day. Oddly enough, this text was regarding another friend ..."I sure admire her for asking for help when she needs it." Those words screamed out at me. They echoed in my head like a stone dropped into an empty well.
For a very long time I have lived in and amongst many natural disasters. There have been so many times when the world surrounding me has been so dark that I fought with everything in me to shred just the tiniest hole so that some sunlight could peak in. My emotions have been rocked so hard that I can't even remember what normal is anymore. The whole while I accepted so many acts of kindness and gifts of love but when asked "what can I do to help?" All I could think of was ... "Make it all better."
I know my pain shows on the outside. People comment about how they can tell when I am upset. Some have even been as bold to say ... "I miss you!" Of course me being a people pleaser, phrases like this make me feel even more helpless. Every ounce of my being has been soaked up in caring for my family and now I have to be extra careful of what I say, my facial expressions and my outward appearance. I don't even know anymore how many times I have dealt with utter chaos only moments before an event where I have had to pick myself up, dust myself off, wipe away the tears and put a smile on my face. "It's show time!"
The truth is ... I have been grieving for years now. I won't get into detail of all of my losses but I will tell you that you don't know grief until you have walked in the shadows of it. It doesn't always have to be a loss of life either. Grief can also be felt with the loss of a job, a great friend moving away, losing a life long habit etc. etc.
Obviously my main grief has been the loss of my mom, even before she passed away and directly after, the loss of my dad. He has not passed away but to watch him ache with emotional pain and deal with physical sickness I feel that I started to lose him the day I lost my sweet mother.
Unfortunately its not over. I want it to be over. You have NO IDEA how much I want it to be over. I took a lot of loss before I finally felt like my emotional strength just couldn't keep up. Often people have wondered why I take all this on. Some have even commented about how "others don't take care of their parents like I do." What can I say? My heart is a compassionate one. I have always empathized as a child with people who were sick or hurting. I ache to help them. Perhaps some day when I am in need of care someone will care for me the way that I have cared for others
Right now my heart aches for my dad. He lays in his bed 24 hours a day. Not watching t.v, not sitting up, just lying there. I wonder what he thinks about. I know he prays to go to his heavenly home to be with his honey. How long does he have to wait till God answers his prayers? How long do I have to endure this pain before his prayers are answered? I shouldn't complain though. He totally and completely believes that he is pain free. Its not even like he isn't telling me because he wants to be brave either. Today I felt my patience slipping ... "Get up, you know you can. Why don't you?" No matter how much I beg or bribe he just won't budge. This is not the dad that I knew. He is in there somewhere but I think the better part of him left a long time ago.
No one can help me the way that I need help right now. No once can tell me how long this will go on for. No one can tell me when this grievance will end. My Job right now is to pick myself up, dust myself off, wipe my tears, put a smile of my face and care for/sit with the man who has been my father, the strongest man I know. He held my hand when I was little, he carried me when I was sick, he called me his treasure. I will treasure this man until his prayers are answered and forever more.
Some day the darkness will be gone and the sunshine will be strong and steady. I relish in that someday.
Dec 29, 2013
A trip down memory lane
WHEN I LOOK AT YOU GIRL - He stuck by me through all the crushes I went through, the stories I told and the tears I shed. One day as we were on our way back from one of our 4x4ing excursions he slipped in a CD by Chris Ledoux and put on a specific song. He asked me to listen to the words and told me that he really liked the song. To be honest ... I still don't think I caught the drift but shortly after, he won my heart and this has always been his song to me. I love you Blaine Anderson!
Dec 19, 2013
Time
When I look into the mirror I see a person that I don't recognize. I can't pin point the exact difference but I feel as though years have passed in just 12 months.
This Christmas has just fallen upon us without any warning what so ever! Like all things this year, I have taken on responsibilities that I rather not have. Mom loved Christmas! She loved finding such unique ways to present each grand kid with $20.00. She loved to bake all sorts of mixed match cookies to bring to church and to Christmas Eve. Each Christmas she would be so sick but she was still determined to come and spend time with her family. Out of all the Christmas' that I remember, there was only one Christmas that she missed and that was because she had the stomach flu. This Christmas there will be an emptiness. One that everyone will try not to acknowledge and try to carry on through. It just won't be the same without her.
When I look at this picture I remember how sick she was with Pneumonia last Christmas. I had a skit that night and she wanted to be there to watch me. She barely made it into her seat but she did!!! As I recited my lines I looked out into the audience and there she was ... face towards me, eyes closed, with a smile on her face, praying to her Jesus. I wonder now if she new. Did he tell her time was precious? Did she know than that it would be her last Christmas? Time is so precious and so short. For the last year we have done so much struggling. Struggling with each other, with teachers, and family. Like anyone would ... I wish that I could turn back time and do it differently. I wish I could stop time and keep her forever.
As I look at this beautiful picture that I took on Christmas Eve of last year I am reminded of her faith, her heart and her patience. I know life is rough. I know that time will not stop and that it can not be turned back but I am also reminded to look ahead, put a smile on my face, close my eyes and thank God for the time that I have and for holding onto me in the time ahead.
This Christmas has just fallen upon us without any warning what so ever! Like all things this year, I have taken on responsibilities that I rather not have. Mom loved Christmas! She loved finding such unique ways to present each grand kid with $20.00. She loved to bake all sorts of mixed match cookies to bring to church and to Christmas Eve. Each Christmas she would be so sick but she was still determined to come and spend time with her family. Out of all the Christmas' that I remember, there was only one Christmas that she missed and that was because she had the stomach flu. This Christmas there will be an emptiness. One that everyone will try not to acknowledge and try to carry on through. It just won't be the same without her.
When I look at this picture I remember how sick she was with Pneumonia last Christmas. I had a skit that night and she wanted to be there to watch me. She barely made it into her seat but she did!!! As I recited my lines I looked out into the audience and there she was ... face towards me, eyes closed, with a smile on her face, praying to her Jesus. I wonder now if she new. Did he tell her time was precious? Did she know than that it would be her last Christmas? Time is so precious and so short. For the last year we have done so much struggling. Struggling with each other, with teachers, and family. Like anyone would ... I wish that I could turn back time and do it differently. I wish I could stop time and keep her forever.
As I look at this beautiful picture that I took on Christmas Eve of last year I am reminded of her faith, her heart and her patience. I know life is rough. I know that time will not stop and that it can not be turned back but I am also reminded to look ahead, put a smile on my face, close my eyes and thank God for the time that I have and for holding onto me in the time ahead.
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